Happy Hollie-Day!

Ryan does it every year when it's time to whittle the contestants down from seven to six. Three on one side of the stage, three on the other, and a safe #7 left to decide which group is which. Jason Castro sat down on the floor between the two, starting the trend of refusing to choose, and last night Skylar did the same. Even though it was a no-brainer, with Hollie, Phillip Phillips and Colton--Hollie a veteran of the stools of doom--on one side and class pets Jessica, Joshua and Elise on the other. And then--shock of all shocks--the pets are in danger.

The Idol universe is a cruel one, not for the faint-hearted, and while all they hype left the judges in shock (or, more likely, mock-shock), me, not so much. Some question the voting practices, thinking there must be a fix or manipulation, but I don't think so. I could be wrong, but I'm going to continue on as if I'm not.

Let's face it, the producers tried everything they could to shut down Holliebot Wednesday night. Suggesting the self-reflective "Perfect" song in which the lyrics beg our girls to love themselves the way they are. Who could miss the irony of our Hollie turning those very lyrics on herself, and not believing one of them. Don't get me wrong, she's a beautiful girl and a GREAT singer. I listened and relistened to her performance. No, not perfect, but far from awful. But watching her sing--it's like watching math happen. And not cool, sexy math like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting.  And, oh, that critique, with JLo offering the Judas Kiss of "You look beautiful tonight," and culminating in, "We'll see what happens." All while the audience sat in absolute silence, like Jimmy Iovine had paid assassins set to silence the first "Boo." And if that's not enough, adding her to the trio with J and J, like she's the kid who was absent on lab-partner-picking day and the teacher had to go from duo to duo saying, "Is it OK if Holliebot sings with you?" Luckily Elise and Phillip Phillips were out sneaking a smoke at the time.

So--when Ryan first pulled these two girls, Holliebot on one side of the stage, B.B. Chezon the other, I knew Holliebot was safe. One, because Ryan's not exactly subtle when it comes to trying to build suspense, and Two, because you'd have to be pretty heartless not to throw Hollie some love during voting. On top of that, this is America, gol'darnit! We do not like being told what to do. Little Hollie is the Ron Paul of American Idol; Jessica Sanchez is Obamacare. Sure, she'll probably win, but not without a kerfluffle of a fight.

So, after sweeping Jessica free from the jaws of going home, there are no more saves. Now it's just a bunch of vocal gladiators battling it out. Contrary to what Randy would have us believe, none of these kids deserve to win. It's a sport, a game. They're hand-picked and equally matched. And, besides, dude, she's right there. Behind you. And we all know you're basically saying Hollie should be going home. Not cool.

I'm pretty sure Randy will never read this, but don't tell us we're wrong. We have power. We got Diana DeGarmo all the way to #2 and gave the whole shebang to Lee DeWyze. Ever hear of Taylor Hicks? Be very careful, or your bosses will be investing a lot of money in a future Disney animated princess voice.

Grab your Swatch and Cut Your Mullet!

Here I am in the 80's.
 It's not in the frame, but trust me,
there's a Red Solo Cup
in my hand...

I am a child of the 80's. Well, a teenager, Middle School, High School, and College student of the 80's. I lived in that magical time between LPs and cassette tapes--back when, if you wanted a mix tape, you held your tape recorder up to the radio during Saturday's broadcast of American Top 40.
And so, I always approach Idol 80's night with a bittersweetness. As much as I love the decade, it's hard to say it was the king of the music decade--even if it gave us a revitalized Queen of Soul and a freshly crowned King of Pop. So, how did these young upstarts do with my decade? 'Meh? The best they could, I guess. A far more interesting concept, though, is the revelation of BiBi Chez--Jessica Sanchez's altar ego. (and, btw, totally guessing on the spelling of BiBi Chez, but I'm assuming she adopted the spelling of the Israeli Prime Minister, no?)

Now, if you're anything like me, you're thinking--who do you think you are, Jessica Sanchez? Don't you need to establish one ego before creating an alternate? But then, if the indulgent home movies are any indication, BiBi's initial ego has had years to grow and blume into the pubescent masterpiece that has tapped its way into your heart like so many fingers on a microphone. And so, I shall from this point forward refer to ALL contestants by their alter-ego name of my choosing.

Deandrebarge. Sure, it's long and complicated--not unlike his hair.  I'm not a huge fan of Deandrebarge himself, given that I have stretchmarks and a healthy IRA, but I totally get his appeal. As long as he stays far, far away from Kenny Rogers songs, he'll be fine, although at this moment I'm hearing an imaginary "Ruby" in a fine, fine falsetto. (and later, I'll be equally glad to have been spared another Dolly tune)

Elincense. Because doesn't she look like she'd smell spicy? Like that girl in high school who carried a leather fringed bag and smelled like patchouli?  Actually, I must cry "foul" on Jimmy Iovine. When, ever, has anyone benefitted from singing a Foreigner song? But, oh, my-my-my...that duet with Phillip Phillips was burning hot! I predicted in an earlier post that we'd be seeing the benefit of additional group numbers in the vetting process.

DUET break! Ah, Colton and Skyler--it's like watching the musical equivalent of Nancy Grace on roller blades. Don't try to understand, just go with it...

PP--because, really, doesn't he always look kinda like he needs to go? Apparently I am the only one not blown away by PP tonight--including the judges, and my esteemed facebook friends. It's just a shame. That's all. Until that hot, hot, hot duet with Elincense.

DUET BREAK!! If, indeed, Hollie was excited, she hid it quite well. I can't see her pleasing or squeezing anything. Even the little shot of fireworks at the end seemed sad. Really, watch it again. I didn't know pyrotechnics could look so sad.

thus far, the Nike commercial has been the most entertaining number of the night...

Joshuaretha. All in soul-filled love. His voice is amazing even if his jacket needed to be thrown into the legion of ominous red candles marching behind him.

Holliebot. Poor girl, you can see in her eyes how she's already thinking of exactly how she's not going to think so much. I'll bet she's made a list on color-coordinated sticky notes: Yellow for high notes; green for low notes; blue for dance moves; pink for blinking. Not a good sign when the audience is dead silent during a pretty disheartening critique. At least she didn't have to follow...

BiBi Chez. All I gotta say is BiBi gettin' yahoo! Randy was exactly right to compare her to Whitney. Effortless. A pure, perfect voice. Can you imagine the Disney movie she and Holliebot could make?

Colthawk. Because that's the best explanation for his hair. Here's hoping he'll break the Idol curse of "Time After Time." In season 4 Nadia Turner (another outspoken Christian singer) donned a faux-hawk, sang the song, and got voted off. (can't find a clip, but trust me!) But...good for him to give props to the arrangement and the drummer! And for trying not to look totally awkward when paired with...

Red Skylar Cup. Tonight, I became a fan. Really--that was a beautiful choice, though I'm pretty sure somewhere Holliebot was carefully stamping a foot, saying, "I wanted to sing that song!"

No-brainer prediction tonight: We'll be pulling the plug on Holliebot tonight, because they'll save anybody else.
Skylar

You Made Me Get Up

If there was one lesson to be learned on last night's American Idol it's this: you can run from Tommy Hillfiger, but you can't hide. Last week some of the contestants chose to stray away from last week's fashion advice, so today they were locked in a little room with samples at the ready. "Look, Phillip Phillips! A gray t-shirt!" That'll teach you to be who you authentically are.

So, if the fashion advice fell a little heavy-handed, the song choice theme was brilliant. Basically, the aspiring Idols got to sing whatever/whoever/however they wanted. And, really, I thought it was overall the best night of Idol in a long, long time. Especially given how many contestants still remain. Usually we're still weeding out the whackos at this point. But last night, humbled by Auntie Steven's smack-down, even Heejun turned out a vocally stellar performance. (my favorite of his, ever)

So--quick thoughts:
Colton--maybe on slightly shaky ground since he sang first, and an unfamiliar song--but he's got a strong fan base and I love him. So...
Skylar--the Red Solo Cup is alive and well
Heejun--quite the crooner!
Hollie--ummm...has she always had that accent? I totally don't remember that.
DeAndre--I wouldn't mind just a few non-falsetto notes. It's like Barry Gibb meets Milli-Vanilli. But in a good way...
Jessica Sanchez--Still sings a bit like a sing-bot. Super talented, but I worry what'll happen if she doesn't win. Like, she might stomp off and kick a pony or something.
Phillip Phillips--OK, we get it.
Joshua Ledet--Good grief, I love this song--somehow it's more powerful when a man sings it. A female vocalists just sounds pathetic.
Elise--Let's just say I've watched her performance 10 times. Amazing.

My bold prediction--rather than predicting a bottom three, I'll say this: only Heejun and Hollie are in danger of actually going home. They'll save anybody else.

And So It Goes

Billy Joel once wrote: 

"Don't go changing to try and please me / You never let me down before."
Sigh--if only that were true. But you know that Idol has let us down plenty of times before, and last night was more of a let down than not. Beautiful songs should be handled with care, and it's always a crap shoot when the night's theme comes down to songs from an amazing songbook. True artists will respect the timelessness of a melody and lyric; wannabe legends will assume they have to deconstruct and make it their own. I guess that's inevitable given the mix of feedback from the judges. "Make it your own!" "Don't lose the melody!" "You did your thing!" "You lost me!"

So--high points and low points:

Deandre managed to sound and look like an Uptown Girl while singing "Only the Good Die Young." Honestly--I understand if the kids have never heard these songs before, but I assume they can read, right? And at some point, Deandre sat it an Egnlish class while some underpaid civil servant tried to make him understand poetry. There's a story in the lyric--the story of coaxing the virginity out of a reluctant girl. For goodness sake, stop jumping.

Erika--I'm so glad somebody finally put the weave out of its misery (we can only pray that Colton will someday have the same sense of compassion for the critter atop the hawk). She looked GORGEOUS!! What, did Tyra Banks and the ANTM Make-over Machine stop by? And, oh, oh, I love that song. She was one of the few artists who sounded like they were singing a Billy Joel song. Like there should be a tip jar on the piano.

Joshua--I admit, I listened to this from the kitchen while doing dishes, and hated it. So I hit "rewind," watched it, saw the choir, and hated it more. So, on Eric Clapton week, is he going to bust out the choir robes for his rendition of "You Look Wonderful Tonight?" Love him, but again--read the lyrics.

Skylar--sorry, I am just not a fan. Maybe if, just once, I could hear her sing something--ANYTHING--that didn't sound like everybody in the audience was holding a Red Solo Cup.

Elise--again, she gets Billy Joel. Understands the essence of the song, but she's just not American Idol. I would love to be in a smoky jazz club or hotel bar and listen to Elise. A fellow AI fan and I debated a bit on facebook, and I've re-watched her over and over. That last note is little and low and amazing. Poor girl doesn't stand a chance.

Phillip Phillips -- we have a lot in common, as I often make up aimless, tuneless, wandering melodies when I'm looking for my keys or something. Good luck moving up, 'cause I'm tuning out.

Hollie--so cute. Totally don't remember what she sang. Oh, yeah, "Honesty" (to be honest, I had to check the DVR). Not a good sign. I just want to hug her and reassure her that she'll be 40 soon enough. She looked like Shelley Hack. That's rarely a good thing. (I made a link for you youngsters)

Heejun's act has officially grown old. Now, I'm all for sarcasm (see above and, well, just about everything I've ever written in the facebook and blog-o-sphere), but there's a time when a joke sacrifices respect on the altar of humor. Yes, I chuckled when he said that Jessica Sanchez was his fashion icon, but then I just felt uncomfortable. And, obvioulsy, Auntie Steven was not amused, either. I must say, though, I did like the way he changed up the melody on the last chorus. If nothing else, it'll make a nice "sing for your life" song.

Ah, Jessica Sanchez, bathed in the golden light as she sings of her dream. So very, very Disney...

And, finally, "Piano Man." My friend Tina correctly predicted that Colton would sing this song--and I waited all show for this. Because I love him--skinny jeans, faux-hawk and all. But, really, pillars of light? Shiny red piano? Would it have killed the AI producers to give him--say, a soft spot and an overflowing ashtray? I mean, he looked like the mother ship was ready to beam him up--maybe that was just Tommy Hillfiger's way to resolve the hair issue, I dunno... I'm just grateful a choir didn't emerge to join him on "La-da-di-da-da-di-da-da..." Aw, but I love this kid, loved the song, and I too thought his choice of chords when his voice resolved was stunning. (Auntie Steven was on fire tonight!!)

So--what did y'all think? Leave a comment...I just want someone I can talk to.

Let's Get Our Idol On!!

I've got just a couple of hours to put my stamp on history. Later this evening, America will be given the chance to vote in the second most important contest of 2012. Forget Ron Paul and his adorable eyebrows, Mitt and his curiously Ken-like hair, Rick and his glorious sleevelessness, Newt and--well, I think most have already forgotten Newt. Nope, kiddos, it's time for our nation to come together, dialing fingers poised to go...and vote. Because THIS is American Idol.

So--my prediction. I'm not foolish enough to project a winner, but I do, really, honestly, firmly believe that--based on what we've seen so far--we are in for the best season yet. I know, I know...they say that every year. But this year, something's different. Maybe the producers are feelig the heat from The Voice and have decided it's not nice to waste our time with Sanjayas who clearly have no shot at winning. Maybe they've fallen under the spell of Adele and recognize that singers worthy of Grammys are singers who sing. Whatever the reason, I am really jazzed about this new season, and here's why.

1. The Vegas round. It's no secret (for those who care anything about me...) that the American Idol California group round is my favorite night of the season. But, Group Round Redux in Las Vegas let us see what these singers can do with a little real rehearsal time. Just watch this! Or...THIS!! I mean, sweet dancin' Moses!!  Performances like this show true talent, in singers who can function in harmony with other singers, no just trying to over-run each other.

2. The "final elimination" show--you know, that long, long walk, was stretched over 3 hours. Now, for people who don't "get" Idol, well, they might have a hard time with that, thinking of it as a waste of TV time. (I mean, it's not as riveting as watching unlucky-in-lovers hand each other a rose, but...whatever). The deal is, taking their sweet time with that show gave us enough time to really look at the performance history of all of the top 24, so maybe those first viewer votes will be a little more meaningful.

So, really, really--with a heart full of hope--I'm predicting a deeper, gentler, overall more entertaining Idol season. And, in response, I'm going to try really, really hard to hold back on the snark unless absolutely necessary. (unless America votes through that terrible little cowboy.........)

It Goes to 11...

 I wasn't going to watch. Really. After last year, watching the confetti rain down on Scotty McCreery, each shred of it representing an ill-cast vote, I told myself, "I don't care. I can't go through that again. I can't go through months of wasted anguish and hours of conversation, facebook posts, blog posts, texting, squabbling...I have better things to do with those 2-3 hour a week--and that's just the watching."

I was resolved no longer to singers...

I practiced my resolve all year. I had a brief dalliance with The Voice, but the fact that it had both judges AND mentors...too much of a commitment. Plus, the complexity of the show, the whole system of it was way too much for a rebound obsession.

Then, during the summer, when the rest of the country was convinced that America's Got Talent, it only took watching one episode for me to decide that no, no. We really don't. Besides, AGT has those litte kid singers, and nothing freaks me out like a operatic 10-year-old. Creepy.

Then, I totally forgot about the X-Factor. I meant to watch it, really--hoping that Simon and Paula could re-kindle the spark we once shared. But there again, kids. ugh.

And I thought--hey! I can do this! I can live in a world where hopeful singers pander for audience support, believing in their marginally talented little hearts that they can BE somebody, they can be a STAR--and that can all happen without me. Go ahead! Hold my feet to the fire and ask me for even the vaguest description of the winner of The Voice, or AGT, or X Factor. I couldn't do it. I used to pity those people--those who don't know the difference between Kris Allen and Lee DeWyze, those who don't clearly remember the night Jennifer Hudson went home, or the last outfit Mandisa wore on the stage, or who auditioned only to make David Hasslehoff cry. People who don't remember JPL the pencil salesman, or who Carrie Underwood beat. Those sad, sad souls who've never seen From Justin to Kelly. (ahem...10 times). And now, I was one of them: the functioning uninformed. I was thinking: I can do this! I can beat the idol!

But then, 3 things happened.
(1) Kelly Clarkson performed on Saturday Night Live--more amazing than ever, bringing waves of nostalgia flooding o'er me...
(2) The show was already programmed on my DVR from last season (it's so hard to let go...)
(3) It was too cold and windy to walk the dog.

So I watched the first three minutes, that opening montage of hopes and dreams. Tears welled in my eyes (historical writers say stuff like that...), the sofa settled around me. A tiny black-and-white photograph of Taylor Hicks (stashed in the background behind Randy) reminded me of how much I LOVE this show.  Minutes later, a 17-year-old who BEAT McCheesy in a local talent show the year before busted out with a pure and perfect "Never Can Say Goodbye," capturing a pitch-perfect, unspoiled Michael Jackson. By the time Phillip Phillips did his own busting with an accoustic/country/funkified "Thriller," I was hooked.

So...what'd you think? Check back from time to time! Because...THIS is American Idol.