A Very American American Idol

I am not a person without opinions. I'll fight to the death to defend my peanut butter (Jif Natural), will mercilessly mock Lady Gaga, and there's a certain well-known, well-loved novel floating around out there with a title I can't pronounce without a sneer. Seriously, don't get me started. And yet, here I am, watching the last two Idols standing, and I just...don't...care. Scotty and Lauren. Oh, ok. I christened Scotty "McCheesy" in the first week, and never did get around to creating a nickname for Lauren. (I briefly toyed with Kelly Underwood, but that seemed too literal.)

Anyway, this is what America, in its 10th attempt at creating a star, has given us. Those of us who have been around for all 10 seasons might recognize this dynamic. It's season 1's Justin and Kelly. (Raise your hand if you saw the movie From Justin to Kelly. Just me? I had to bribe my then seven-year-old sons to go with me. They were supposed to get a puppy. I welched.) Now, Lauren is nowhere near the vocal powerhouse that is Kelly Clarkson (Kelly performed many a number with a "blown-out" voice), and Scotty could sing oddly to-the-left-listing circles around Justin, but if this were a contest about vocal ability, we'd be watching James and Pia right now instead of the best acts available at the Corn County Fair. Really, is there ever a point in the serious world of music entertainment that calls for a ballerina skirt and cowboy boots? I wore that same outfit when I was 4.

My esteemed editor (and not just because there's a certain book I really, really want to write...) referred to this as the Very Brady American Idol. Clean, pure, harmless. No fire, no sexiness. Beloved by mothers and grandmothers (who wouldn't want their child to come walkin' up the front porch with one of these two cutie-patuties?)-- but they've been singing the SAME SONGS for 3 months. No surprises. They've brought nothing new to the stage--nothing new to the muscial landscape.

Taylor Hicks may have dropped to small-club obscurity, but he was interesting. We'd never heard a voice like Fantasia's before. Even Carrie Underwood and Bo Bice at least set up a nice dichotomy. As did Blake and Jordan. Adam and Kris? Please--downright good vs fabulous. And last year? Didn't you spend the whole season just wondering what Krystal would do? On the bright side, with songs about dreams and moms--can you imagine a more Republican finale?

And, so...it's Scotty and/or Lauren. And of the two, I--like Steven--am giving it to Lauren. I'll never understand the Scotty appeal. (or, uh-peel, as he would say...).

Now, to re-watch David Cook.

Stretch and Strategy

It's the point where really, any sane person should be able to see justice and reason in the victory of any one of the remaining four. Unfortunately, sanity isn't always the ruling factor for the average Idol fan--myself included. But here we are in the final stretch, and now it's all about strategy. Not talent, not future career, not defining yourself as an artist, but what is it going to take to win. To have your name seared into the confetti that will be dropped over the heads of all. And, clearly, some of the remaining singers have a stronger grip on that concept than others.

Raise your hand if you knew James was going to sing a Journey song at some point during the competition. Personally, I'd stopped believin' that his rendition was ever going to end. This was a song choice meant to garner votes. We love Journey. We love that song. Fox television loves that song, because Glee does that song. It's an anthem for a generation, so for me, it was a totally ho-hum choice. Now, "Love Potion #9"--that was cool, unexpected. Overall I left thinking that James is much more suited, though, to front a band rather than embark on a solo career. Just a thought. If Journey (or some other 80's revival band) finds themselves trolling through YouTube videos looking for a new lead singer, maybe James should get a shot. He has kind of an old soul for that. Like, can't you hear him singing "Juke Box Hero?"

The case for Haley--she, obviously, gives neither a hoot nor a holler what we're going to think. Every other singer last night showed such obvious strategy. And when she sang the Michael Jackson song I'm too lazy to Google and look up, she took a risk. There was a time when Idol rewarded risk. And I can see nailing her if she hadn't sung the unknown song well, but to blast her for not choosing something the audience knows? Nothing wrong with a little stretch in the home stretch, Jennifer. Well done you, Steven, for staggering to her rescue. I must admit, though, given Haley's hair style, I half expected her to bust into "Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you..." If Haley goes home, chalk it up to America's fear of the unknown. What in the world would we do with her? We can't bang our head, or dance a two-step, or reach into a cooler filled with Mike's Hard Lemonade with her voice in the background. We'd have to listen and absorb. Perhaps be bemused and entertained. NEXT.

The two sides of Scotty--slow country and fast country. One video with slow-motion black-and-white cornfields, the other "concert" footage with girls in tight t-shirts storming the stage. We love the familiarity of Scotty. We want him to grow up and marry Lauren in a sweet Country love story kind of way. (like Faith and Tim, not Vince and Amy) We've been listening to his voice since the crackling days of RADIO. He and James are nostalgia...Scotty is lucrative nostalgia. No matter who wins, I'm pretty sure he's the only one who will carve an actual career in the industry.

And Lauren. Oh, I love Lauren--and I'm only the tiniest bit weirded out by how much Steven Tyler loves Lauren. Here she is, the embodiment of sweet, innocent, pure-hearted teen-age girl. Like a Taylor Swift who can sing on key. How cute that our giggly girl didn't want to sing a lyric that said she was evil. How sad/odd that choosing a song without that lyric didn't occur to her. But, that's strategy. That's wanting to win--so, so bad. My heart will break if Lauren goes home tonight, and I will be haunted by Lady Ga-Ga's perma-goosed eyes.

So, no prediction tonight. With Jacob's final note wafting somewhere beyond the final planet, I'm content with the singers at hand. No single one of them deserves it more than the other. Clearly, the judges and producers want to hand it to James (probably because they're still stinging over Adam's loss); Lauren and Scotty are loved; and Haley just refuses to go quietly into that dark night. No prediction, but a bit of hope that the under dog will live to growl another day.

Two Songs Too Many

Knowing I'd have the house entirely to myself for the first hour of Idol, I treated myself to Hostess Cupcakes--you know, two-to-a-package, chocolate iced cakes with sweet cream filling and a little swirl of white on top. It seemed fitting, given the theme of the evening. Two cupcakes, two songs. A treat for tonight--a treat from my (not-so) long-ago childhood. I guess I could have had Zingers or Twinkies, but I tend to reserve Zingers for those times when I watch airings of Charlie Brown Holiday specials, and I never have cared for Twinkies. In fact, I doubt I've had more than 3-4 Twinkies in my entire life. Anyway, I settled in my new leather chair with 2 cupcakes and a ginormous glass of milk. My plan was to nibble throughout the hour, but I sort of scarfed them down before Randy finished his initial "inittowinit" missive. The milk I saved, planning to take a sip everytime Randy said "inittowinit." Like a non-intoxicating drinking game. Because, if it were an intoxicating beverage, I would have passed out before Jacob Lusk took the stage. Sigh. I miss my drinking days sometimes...

OK, I'm stalling, or maybe I found my trip down snack cake memory lane so much more satisfying than most of what happened on the Idol stage last night. So, clinging to my cupcakes serving as a metaphor they were never meant to be, here's my take on last night.

James--you are that kind of crusty, endearing stale-ness that assures me the cakes have been on the storehouse shelf a wee bit too long. Don't get me wrong, I still think the guy is more than marginally talented, but last night was an "off" night for him. Even flames get old, dude. And, sorry, inittowinitRandy, I don't buy the concept of being emotionally in tune. If that were the case, my weepy rendition of The Winner Takes It All would have earned me a shelf full of Grammys. (Grammies?)

Scotty--you are the cupcakes themselves. Yes, in this world of fancy-pants pastries and tiny gourmet desserts, the humble Hostess cupcake prevails. I am the first to admit I've never been a Scotty fan (past posts will confirm), but I was won over last night. Maybe it's the way he finally straightened out his microphone. Maybe it's the fact that he didn't fall on his Wranglers after leaping the steps toward the judge's table during his first song. Maybe I didn't vote for you quite as often as I could have, but you were always on my mind...

Lauren--you are the sweet, creamy center. A little hidden treasure. True, a few close-ups during her second song made me think I'd lived through a time warp and was actually watching an old episode of the Mandrell sisters, but chalk that up to the hair. "Unchained Melody" is famously Simon Cowell's favorite song, and she sang itwith such vulnerability and softness, he might have cried like James.

Jacob Lusk--you are the nutrition label. Your performance is the equivalent of the nutritional value of the cupcakes. Yikes! BOTH cupcakes (because the serving size is 1). Lesson: if you're 1 person, don't sing songs recorded as a duet. If you don't have 1 Nazareth song on your ipod, don't sing their iconic hit. If we're only sending 1 contestant home, please let it be Jacob.

Haley--you are that distinctive little swirl on top. Nobody knows quite what to make of you. Without the swirl, the cupcake would taste the same, but would just be "off." Personally, I thought she stole the show, giving James good reason to cry.

Idol Post-Pia & Paul

Hey, y'all! Yes, I know, I haven't re-capped the past two weeks because I've been a traveling girl. Arlington, DisneyLand, New Mexico--planes, trains, automobiles...all that. So I've been living off re-caps myself, though I did manage to catch last week's results show that sent Paul packing. In fact, I watched at my sister's house, in the company of my adorable nephew Bryan who is a huge Scotty fan. Little Bryan so touched my heart, I vowed to myself that I would vote for Scotty this week even though he is is a disturbing mix of country corn-n-cheese. But, more about Scotty later.

Hey! It's the 21st century! How's that for a nice, narrow little category. And we'll start it off with a resounding group sing by all the ousted ladies. And Paul. You'll never convince me that the producers didn't fully expect Haley to be in her own little black dress wriggling through the Pink song. Paul joined the ladies with all the natural flow of a goat stomping through a flock of baby chicks. And, you know how in church, every now and then you have to listen to the children's choir sing? Not the adorable 4-and 5-year-olds, but the 4th and 5th graders, and you're listening, and all of a sudden there's this voice that doesn't seem to have anything to do with the song the other children are singing? And you're thinking--whose kid is that? And silently feeling a little sorry for the parents who have to claim such errant tones? Yeah, that was Paul. His is not a talent that can easily mesh with budding pop princesses. Poor boy looked so lost...

Now, back to Scotty and the promise I broke to an adorable 8-year-old boy. Because, honestly. You have any song from the 21st century--a time when Country music really took on so many new flavors and crossed into pop charts (not that it wasn't doing perfectly fine in its own charts...) and you pick "Swingin'" by--hold on, let me Google it--John Anderson? And then you hold your microphone all sideways and sing all smarmy like you know the song isn't really about swingin' but you're a teenager so that's creepy too... Even if you do a career-altering switch-up by ending the song sitting on the steps--sorry, McCheesy. You should never, ever, ever sing a song with the word "lover" in it. Cringe. Bad choices all around, and kudos to the judges for finally calling him out on some of this nonsense. So, sorry Bryan. I could not vote for Scotty, but you know legions of people will.

Then James, the over-achiever of the bunch, wearing his jodhpurs and brandishing the microphone stand like a rock-n-roll ringmaster. Who's the poor sap who has to follow that? Oh, yeah...Haley, looking cute in a red dress, but it seems like a spark is missing. She was so amazing in the duet with Casey last week, but she looked a little defeated as the judges drizzled out tepid praise.

Wow! What a shiny suit Lusker van Dross is wearing. Next...

Casey sang a Maroon 5 song. I have a Maroon 5 station on my Pandora, so I was equal parts thrilled and apprehensive. Apparently, so was Jennifer Lopez. And her handlers. But, really, I thought he did an awesome job and has learned the lessons that only a judges' save can teach you. And, it bothers me greatly that Jacob wouldn't wear the fake Casey beard during the "dish on your competition" segment.

Looks like Stefano has finally learned to keep those big brown eyes open, which is a good thing if you're going to run all over the stage like that, given the OSHA hazard of unleashed red suspenders. The man gave us a performance worthy of high school talent shows everywhere. And, you know all the girls were just-a-swoonin'. (take that, John Anderson)

Finally, my sweet song bird Lauren, who had my own high-school sons swooning. (rather the 21st century swoon which consists of saying "she is so hot" through a mouthful of hamburger and cheetohs) I love Lauren. The mother in me wanted to add about an inch to her skirt (my sons heartily disagreed), and I secretly love that they think she's cuter than Haley. But, it's time for her to believe in herself a little bit. To quote the much less talented Miley Cyrus: "If you believe in yourself, anything is possible." Wow, maybe that girl can't sing, but she is deeper than deep. Here are a few more gems.

Bottom 3? This stage of the game is tricky, but I'm thinking Haley, Stefano and...(hate to say it) Lauren. I dream of Jacob in a thin silver chair, but alas, 'twill be a dream deferred another week. Going home? Haley.

Somewhere, Stefano is moping, because he totally wanted to set a tiny ballerina on fire, but the producers wouldn't let him. But that's just another piano burned behind us, so let's move on...

Last week I made the case that Motown week generally made for good performances, because the songs are good. Same goes for Elton John week, but with kind of a rhinestone twist. Motown hits were manufactured--written to be hit dance and radio tunes. Elton is a different kind of artist, so his songs are a bit more complex. More complex melodies, and deeper lyrics. So, while we can smile at the insecure "HEATWAVE!" delivered with a cute little hop, it's harder to excuse a teenager's attempt to access the emotional complexity of "Daniel."

All in all it was a pleasant night, though. Wonderful to hear Casey actually sing--my favorite EJ song, no less, though my favorite rendition will always belong to Ewan Mcgregor. Saving him last week was an absolute must--not only because he's superior to some of his current competition, but because it was kind of a wake-up call to Casey himself. There's a time to set aside the self-indulgent love child of Joe Cocker and Will Ferrell. Here's hoping America learned its lesson, too. We'll see tonight.

There aren't enough words for how much I loved Lauren's performance, though I would have suggested one slight lyric change: (regarding Marilyn Monroe's life) "Would've liked to have known you, but my grandma was just a kid..." I mean she got to change "cling" to "clang," so... I actually adored Haley this week, too. Hm. I'm worried that a one-off from her will send someone else home, though.

There also aren't enough words for Naima, and since my mom taught me to say nothing if I can't say something kind, well, I'll just move on to Scotty, and let my rebellious nature take over. This kid bugs me. Seriously, from the hundreds of songs you chose the one that allows you to give a shout-out to your GRANDMA? No excuse. None. I don't understand why the judges aren't calling him on his one-note, cheesy, single-cheeked performances week after week after week after...oh, nevermind.

Due to Casey's save, two contestants will go home tonight, and that's a tough call. But, I'm thinking it's time for Paul to pursue his career as a White Noise recording artist (think about it--on your alarm clock you could choose Rain Forest, Ocean Waves, or Paul whispering all the hits from the 70's). Joining him in the upside-down martini stools of doom should be Naima and Stefano.

B-b-b-b-b-bye now!

Gimme mo' Motown!

There's exactly one reason why this week's show was miles and miles beyond last week's.

It's not because Paul busted out his guitar, finally setting free the invisible marionette he's been walking around the stage. (oooh, is that it? behind your couch? chilling thought...)

It's not because the A.I. stylist worked magic with the straightening iron. (Haley...Lauren...Casey...)

It's not because the musical world finally got to use the phrase: "Legendary bass player."

It's not because Scotty gave us a sneak peek into his future Vegas lounge act. (well, maybe not Vegas, but definately the Steak-n-Ale in Laughlin, NV)

It's not because Haley gave us a sneak peek into her future Vegas "dance" act. (just add pole)

It's not because Jacob Lusk proved he's the go-to guy for a one-man duet.

And...it's not because Jennifer Lopez's laugh makes puppies happy.

Nope...This week was better than last week because there's no such thing as a bad Motown hit. These are good songs. Period. Given the broad category of "YOUR BIRTH YEAR" led to a lot of silly, sentimental, sensless song choices. Sing them well and sing them true, and we're entertained. Add a little dance (Naima) and the perfect dress (Thia, Pia) and we're good to go. Just stay out of the eighties and leave a lingering bit of soul. (Sorry Stefano...)

Still, I think Stefano will safely open his eyes to see the stage again. Bottom 3 is a hard choice this week...I'm thinking Paul, Haley and--maybe Lauren. Going home? Haley.

To the tune of..."Wild Thing" (from my birth year--1966)

Wild thing

(ba-da-ba-da-da) That's the song I'd sing

(ba-da-ba-da-da) Like Paul, I'd make it all...groovy

Wild thing

So, this week the Idol hopefuls sang songs from the year of their birth, and no other single television broadcast makes me feel so old. This is the first year when some of the contestants are actually younger than my oldest child, thus marking the time when my grasp on all that is cool slowly began to loosen. I think 1993 was the last year I could both name and sing just about every song on America's Top 40 (remember that?).

Not sure if this week's performances deserve the same detailed break-down as last week, because really, the Lusky Stank seemed to permeate most of them. (And, sorry Jacob, refuse to use the word "stank" in any positive context.) Seriously, up until the moment Stefano sang, I was wondering if something hadn't gone horribly wrong with the Idol sound system. I once had to sit through a 4th & 5th grade talent show that included no fewer than 4 10-year-olds singing Rihanna songs, and it was measurably more pleasant than half of the performances tonight. Naima, Karen and Lauren were pitchier than Roy Halladay on a Sunday afternoon.

Instead, I'll leave you with questions to ponder and--if you wish--discuss in the comments below:

1. Did anyone else get hints of Heat Meiser in Casey's performace?

2. Did it seem like Pia really cared where broken hearts go?

3. Is there any doubt--any at all--that Thia sang that song in at least one middle school talent show?

4. Don't you think that side of Scotty McCheesy's face would get tired after a while?

5. Would luminol illuminate Paul's invisibl marionette? How creepy/cool would that be?

Bottom three: Karen, Lauren, and...Paul(?)

Going home: Karen--I have a feeling her performance will lead her back. Home.

Lucky 13

This is my first blog of this AI season--for lots of reasons. First, I never invest much thought until after the semi-finals. And second, I've found myself a million times more excited about the judges than the actual singers. Really--if I could choose where I could spend the next 2 hours, it would be either (A) sharing a taco salad with Steven Tyler or (B) brushing J Lo's hair. I didn't know if I could enjoy the show without Simon, and I haven't given him a thought until...well, now.

That said, I think the judges have a few kinks to work out, based on tonight's feedback. They were a bit too easy on the early singers. Randy kept it pretty real (dawg), but Steven and Jennifer seemed determined to keep it all positive. Until poor Thia. I guess by then they were just worn down, and after Ashthone-deaf and Pawful left a sea of broken notes across the stage, well, J Lo and Steven learned a new word: pitchy.

These are the hardest weeks on AI, waiting for all the chaff to clear and make way for those who are capable of providing actual entertainment along with the thrill of competition. Did the show seem endless to anyone else besides me? Being Baptist, I'm denominationally obligated to have some church activity on Wednesdays, so Idol's messing with my life by having a Wednesday performance show (thanks a lot, Glee!), so I get to watch the whole thing later in bed. The good news is I can fast-forward through the dull parts. Tonight, that meant much of the performances.

Still--I have my favorites: Casey, Thia and Naima. Going out on a limb this first final round and saying all three will be in the top five.

In case you want to spend a minute or so in my head, here's a brief re-cap of my percpetions of the night's show. The * notes who I'm predicting will be in the bottom three, with Ashthon as my pick for who should go home. (And, really, wasn't tonight proof that we should stick with 12 finalists?)

Lauren: Should have sung any song but that one.

Casey: Gettin' by with a little help from his friends (and a lot of help from back-up singers)

Ashthon**: um...awful...Jennifer said Ashthon should sing songs we can sing along with, which would be great, because then I could hear me instead of her.

Paul*: (to quote my husband from behind his Stephen King novel) "This is not good."

Pia: "Happy International Woman's Day" indeed. I feel bad, though. I didn't get my cards sent out...again.

James: I love James' voice. I just can't get past the fact that he looks like the kid who has a 3-episode story arc as the Canadian bad boy on Degrassi Jr. High. But, really...he's growing on me.

Haley*: Not sure if she's on the stage for American Idol, or Southeast Kansas Corn Queen--either way, am I the only one who thought, "Who is that?" before, during, and after...and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Jacob: I, too, believe he can fly.

Thia: Really, one of my favorites--And, might I say, way underpraised.

Stefano: Giving us a glimpse of what the world would be like if the Jersey Shore had talent.

Karen: Every now and then, I get this vibe that Karen answered J.Lo's ad for a roommate...SHF

Scotty: McCheesy

Naima: Very cool--like, that crazy cool. Like, the finale from "The Wiz" type cool. Breathless, but cool.

American Idols

...that's right. Idols. With an "s," because this year, it's a Sophie's Choice kinda vote. Do we stick with the girl who seemed destined for confetti since auditions, wobbled a bit in the final rounds, and came out a-swingin' and a-singin'? Or, do we put our money on the dark horse who kept a steadily increasing pace--even if he choked a bit on the last stretch?

I'm at a loss.

Often, when we get to the final two on American Idol it comes down to two ends of a spectrum. In season 1, we had your basic guy vs girl in Kelly and Justin. (Then we had the horrid experience of reuniting the two on film in From Justin to Kelly. I'd give a quick review of it, but my therapist advised me to never speak of it again.)

Season 2: Old soul (Ruben) vs. Old style (Clay)~~historically, I believe, the closest final vote.

Season 3: Fantasia Barrino vs. Diana DiGarmo~~kind of like pitting a vocal powerhouse up against a couch. No contest there.

Season 4: Bo and Carrie~~ Round 2 of girl vs guy: Southern rock vs Country. Bo never had a chance, though I admit to rooting hard for him to win. Carrie never did a lot for me, and this was my first major AI disappointment. Now, she's sold more records than practically all other contestants combined. So what do I know? And then...

Season 5: I picked Taylor Hicks to be in the top 3 at his audition. I just adored him. My quibble here is that it should have come down to Taylor and Elliott Yamin. Katherine who?

Season 6: Blake (beat box) and Jordin (teen queen) -- I wasn't surprised that Jordin won, but I remain surprised that Blake has gone absolutely nowhere. I mean, if Ace Young can be on Broadway, just sayin'...

Season 7: Battle of the Davids...and I couldn't make a call. I pretty much disliked L'il Archuleta with every cell within me, but he seemed the sweet-cheeked answer to continue the reign of Sparks and erase the stain of Hicks. But few people screamed more when Seacrest said, "Cook!" No prediction there.

Last year, of course, Glambert and Kris Allen. By the way, somebody should probably poke the producers and remind them that Kris Allen won, because I don't think his name was said out lout 3 times this season, even though Lee's trajectory clearly matches his own. BTW, I totally picked Kris to win.

So...I have a pretty decent track record. But coming into tomorrow night...I'm clueless. Really. My heart wants Lee; my head wants Crystal. And since both of those are pretty vital elements, I guess I'd be happy either way. I've said several times that I don't think either's career will be any more or less of what it would have been regardless of the outcome of the vote. Crystal clearly out-performed Lee tonight. She wants it more. That leads me to think she deserves it more. And, I kinda think the vote will agree with me here. Will I buy Lee's CD? Yes. Crystal's? Yes. Am I glad they don't have to release an cringingly awful cheese-fest of a first single? Oh, yeah.

The Flat Pack

So, I have to admit I was a bit distracted during last night's Idol...packing for a trip to Chicaco...and I'm writing this Wednesday morning in the airport trying desperately to remember any of the performances in any detail. I remember Aaron being lost and overwhelmed, Casey being (sorry) terrible, Crystal being beautiful, Big Mike being obnoxious, and Lee just making the previous 50 minutes all worthwhile. I'm still maintaining that this is the weakest group ever--gone are the days of looking at the final 4 and thinking "Wow, you all deserve this equally..." If it's not Crystal or Lee in the final 2, then I'm moving to Denmark. I will not live in a country who would claim Casey James as its idol.

Actually, my favorite moment of the night came when the Sinatras gave Simon one of "Daddy's" monogrammed hankies. I loved how Simon couldn't wait to open it! I think that's the most human we've ever seen...

OK--not that it's nearly as much fun anymore, buy my desire for bottom 3 is--Aaron, Casey and Mike, but I wouldn't be surprised if there's a shocker and Crystal's there, too. We are a fickle people.

Country Night--Yee Haw? or Hee-Yawn?

Country night is traditionally my least favorite of the Idol theme nights, because usually there's this odd parade of acts better suited for Knotts Berry Farm than the national stage. I'll never forget the moment Mandissa walked out wearing denim capris and a ratty straw hat. For the life of me, I can't remember what she sang, but I knew the minute she wore that hat she was a goner. Weeks later, I was at a teacher conference waiting for the session to begin, and two women in front of me were having a conversation in the row in front of me. I wasn't paying a lot of attention, but when one of them said, "Gurrrrl, she didn't have no business wearin' that hat," I knew exactly what they were talking about. See? American Idol makes you instant friends.
But I think tonight was a little more successful as far as the genre goes, because instead of letting our contestants run wild in fields of corn, they were corralled into the songbook of Shania Twain. Great songs from a great writer, and much like Dolly Parton week a couple of seasons back, everybody really did well. Hard to go wrong with good songs, and for me, this is the hardest night so far to pick a winner. Or, as the case may be, not-so-much-a-winner.
At the risk of waxing stereotypical, I shal rate the contestants according to iconic country music video images. Feel free to agree or disagree--it ain't no thing.

Lee: A perfect pair of faded jeans--I can't help it, this guy does it for me. Maybe it's the little sideways mouth thing, the way he can make a song almost unrecognizable in the first few measures before you realize you can't even remember the original arrangement. Flawed, yet perfect.

Michael: The rumpled bed in the middle of a room with lots of open window and fluttering curtains with the seascape outside--This is the most I've liked Mike in a while. Really nice vibe, nice tone. But I totally got Simon's "wet" comment, though. He's always just a bit much for me.

Casey James: Standing in an open field, sunshine in his hair, band somewhere out in the weeds--I think what I liked most about Casey tonight was his humble spirit, how he acknowledged and took ownership of the judges comments from last week. Still didn't blow me away, but good. Best vocal of his run so far.

Crystal: cute girl in shorts an boots--oh, wait, she was wearing a short skirt and boots, but still. It wasn't everybody's favorite, nor mine. I'm not a big bluegrass girl. So, not my favorite, but everybody has an off night. Remember Carrie Underwood singing "MacArthur Park?" yeah.

Aaron: dude standing in the doorway watching the woman in his life get dressed up for a night out--but then the woman turns out to be his mother. So that's creepy.

Siobhan: the beautiful singer posing as a cutesy, misunderstood comic weirdo who gets all glammed up at the end of the video--I was way off on this one, according to the judges. I thought it was kind of a twainwreck. A twainwreck in the wain with a dog. But there ya go.

So...toughest bottom three to call, but I'm going on history and bottoming--Mike, Aaron and Siobhan. Going home? ummmmmmmmmmmm Aaron

Inspiration in Spurts

So, this is Idol Gives Back week, and I think if I could choose exactly what Idol was to give back, it would be the hour of my life spent watching this week's show. OK, 36 minutes thanks to the DVR (only because I watched Crystal 3 times). During the live broadcast I was riding around various unpopulated streets giving a driving lesson to my fifteen-year-old twin sons. But, really, no matter how little attention J gave to the on-coming traffic, or how often I had to tell R that he was drifting to the left, I still don't know if I'm more grateful for having come home alive, or for being able to fastforward through the torture known as Timanilow.

Maybe I exaggerate a bit. It wasn't all bad. Even those who were bad weren't, you know, all bad. But, did you feel inspired? Were you moved? Let's see...

Casey--now, he inspired me...to seek out Fleetwood Mac's original, joyful, infectious original. Like, I can get that this show is sponsored by ATT, because Casey was beyond phoning...he was texting it.

Lee--my Lee-love is nothing new, but I think he was a bit over-praised tonight. Arrangement was perfect, beautiful, but he had some bum notes at the beginning (and throughout) that sounded like they'd gone through a few rounds. Still, inspiring? Yes. Plus, I got to watch my sons listen to that song for the first time and we got to talk about the beauty of a simple lyric.

Tim--Somewhere, Katie Stevens is inspired to say, "I lost to this guy?" and throw her over-accesorized Hello Kitty at the screen.

Aaron--I'm inspired to Give Back to AI any amount of money that would ensure that I never have to hear that song again.

Siobhan--wondering why none of the judges are inspired to comment on the nasal tones of her lower register. But, beyond that--I thought her performance was really beautiful and haunting. And I loved her outfit. (inspired by Mariah)

Big Mike--inspired me to lose a bet because I thought the song was from Avatar. So I guess I'll do dishes as soon as I post this.

Crystal--inspired awed, hushed silence. Which --you might can tell-- is rare for me. This is my favorite performance, and her interaction with Ryan's pocket square might be my all-time favorite moment with her so far!



Overall, the episode inspired me to wish I could fast-forward through the whole season so I can just get to where Lee and Crystal each try to look like they don't care about winning.



So...who's going home? In the past, the show didn't send anybody home on IGB week...just two the next, but really, if Tim survives, I'll be ready to hop on that train Crystal was singing about. Have I inspired you to leave a comment? And a vote?

Second Place Silver-tongued Sages

So, what does a guy have to do to be counted among such musical recording greats as Andrew Lloyd Webber, Barry Manilow, Randy Travis, Dolly Parton, Elton John, Lionel Richie, and -- oh, what the heck--Miley Cyrus? Apparently, you need to lose a singing contest. Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Lambert!!!

Now, I know a couple of weeks ago, I likened Miley's mentoring capabilities to that of a duck, and I just want to qualify something: I love ducks. So, it's not automatically an insult. To her, or to ducks. There's just something about the girl--her voice, her face, her lips--that makes me want to sit on a bench with old men and throw bread at her. Is that such a bad thing?

That said, I really think Adam did a good job. He set forth some challenges, gave some good advice, had something specific to offer each contestant. Spot-on mentoring, Mr. Lambert! Mayhaps the AI producers know what they're doing after all. Still, I can't help but think they're missing out on a few great opportunities. If they can trot Adam Lambert out, why not all the AI also-sang? No need for mentor-sharing, they could pair up! Imagine...(as DavidA once sang...)

Justin Gurarini could teach Tim Urban how to capitalize on a winning smile and great hair to compensate for what might be lacking in singing and/or dancing. Of course, with Crystal's inevitable win, we'd have a super-awkward "From Tim to Crystal" bad beach movie follow-up.

Clay Aiken, having lost to the original Velvet Teddy Bear could give Big Mike a few pointers about how to use his massive circumference to charm the lady voters.

Diana DeGarmo could join forces with Katie Stevens to create the facebook page: I Missed My Prom to Be on American Idol. (11 fans)

Bo Bice and Casey James could do each other' shair.

Catherine McPhee could just stand in Lee's room and look pretty. I don't think he'd ask for much more.

Blake Lewis could come back and do an awesome beat box behind Andrew Garcia's send-up of the Paula Abdul classic "Opposites Attract" -- actually that would be kind of awesome!

Crystal Bowersox could smile patiently and pretend to need to hear whatever whoever has to say.

David Archuleta and Aaron Kelly could join forces for the ultimate back-stage Pokemon showdown, then it's time for snack.

And Adam Lambert...seriously, weren't you hoping for an Adam/Siobhan scream clinic?

In keep with the theme, tonight the lowest and second-lowest vote getters go home. Who's it going to be? Vote and leave a comment, and TWO books get added to the Idle Summer Reading basket!

Diridgedudes and Babepipes

A song for Timanilow
(in honor of Lennon/McCartney week)

Hey, dude, don't make it bad,

Take a bland song, and make it blander.

Remember, Randy and Ellen are smart,

And you can ignore Simon and Kara

Hey dude, don't be afraid

You were made to guest-star on Disney

The minute your texting votes don't come in

You can begin to be a guest star

Enter: Bagpipes

I remember this them from 2 seasons ago, and it was a fantastic night. I can still hear Carly Smithson singing "Come Together" and Michael Johns singing "Across the Universe." And David Cook's amazing Eleanor Rigby. That was a great night for music, because it's a night of great music, and I think the contestants always do better when, really, there can't be too many bad song choices. Oh, had DiDi hung around, she might have tried to show us a new dimension of her by treating us to a ride in a yellow submarine, but other than that...

So, we had diridgedoos and bagpipes, guitars, guitars, guitars, dreadlocks, and a nearly lethal use of a flatiron. Andrew took us to Saturday morning Bandstand, Crystal took us to a really cool Blues club about 40 minutes into her set. Siobhan and Aaron gave us just a taste of what we might hear in-between reassurances that our call is important to somebody. Casey rocked the Leif Garret look (thanks, A.J.), while Timanilow brought the Leif Garret vibe. ALERT! Quite possibly the first time "Leif" "Garret" and "vibe" have been used in a single sentence. Mike frightened lonely people everywhere with the knowledge that he's looking at them (and when he finds them, he will pick them up in his massive hulk-like arms), Katie made me remember why I love that song (and her father made me remember why grown men should wear pants if they're going to be on TV). And Lee--quote of the night:

LEE: (when he saw the bagpipe guy backstage) Is he here for me?

But I thought that was totally cool.

So...this'll be a tough week to call, because nobody was terrible; but here goes:

Bottom 3 = Andrew, Tim, Aaron (oh, so torn between Aaron and Katie...)

Going home? Andrew

So, what think you! Leave a comment and cast a vote. We got it right last week (yay!!), making my new release, The Bridegrooms the first book in the Idle Summer Reading Give-Away!

Idol Time--Rhythm and Ooohs (and a few Ewwws)

You know how when you're watching a lava lamp? And there's that great gloopy moment when one glob sinks to the bottom and the other gloop bloops up? I feel like that's what happened tonight. We saw Siobhan take the glob-dive of her career thus far, and Lee just bloopy-bloop-bloop up to the top. It was, in some ways, a nod back to the old days (think, pre-Jordin Sparks), because those who did well did so because of their ability to sing. Not because of funky red lighting, or giant staircases, or slick package mentality. Just like those old R&B records had a groove, tonight a few people fell into their groove, and a few, well let's just say, their parents probably never owned a record, either.
A few general notes: Ryan Seacrest takes awkward banter to an entirely new level. Like, painful. Like when you're driving your 9th grade son on his first "real" date and trying to make conversation in the car. "So, Ginnifer, would you ever wear an off-the-shoulder dress?" Just do what you're paid gabillions of dollars to do, or I swear I'll mount the campaign to bring back that other guy.
Usher as mentor--hey! Great idea having somebody with experience, clout, talent, knowledge...well, everything Miley doesn't. Last week was like watching a figure skater being coached by a duck. This week was like...well, better. (some metaphors deserve a quiet death)
Ellen's tie--did anyone else feel like it was 4 a.m. and the urge to get to a phone and call in to pledge to MDA? Way to channel your inner Jerry Lewis. (but I thought the joke about Tim Urban "creeping" was funny!)

So, to sum up my commentary, I'm going to lump performances into shades of blue:
Like perfect wash on your favorite jeans--Lee, Crystal, Casey, Andrew
Like a harmless crayon you'll pass over for a cooler color in the box--Katie, Michael, Aaron
Like mold you wish you hadn't noticed--Siobhan, Didi, Tim

Bottom Three? (should be) Siobhan, Didi, Tim
(will be) Didi, Tim, Katie

My pick to go home...Didi.

What do you think? Leave a comment, leave a vote, and be in the drawing to spend your idle time reading a bunch of free books!

2010 "Top" Ten... What went wrong?

It's going to be a long summer for all those Idol fans packing themselves into outdoor venues and theme parks, county fairs--whever this year's crop can find a place to rest their weary voices. Compared to last year's line-up (Kris! Adam! Allison! Danny! Anoop! Lil! Matt!--not bad...7/10 from memory!), this year's looks a little, um, thin? Pitchy? (zzzzzzz Crystal! zzzzzzz Siobhan! zzzzzzzz Tim Urban! Finally, a potty break).
So, what went wrong this season? Because critics, bloggers, face-bookers, my agent, pretty much everybody who matters agrees that something's gone terribly wrong. Here's my thought. This is Idol's 9th season. That makes it...old. Like that moment when you hug your 9-year-old and realize it's time for him to start using deodarant. It's sweet, but not pleasant.
Now, I am a die-hard fan. I remember what Kelly Clarkson was wearing when she sang R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Check out the clip. The contestants were having fun. They performed with a piano--not a full band (until later in the competition). Lately, they take these contestants--some with no performing experience at all, some already dropped from record labels, some clearly headed for HSM 4--Revenge of the Underclassmen (I'm looking at you, Timanilow). The judges say over and over that this is a "singing" competition, but it's not. It's child stardom in a microcosm. How does a 17-year-old know how to make a song "his own?" How do you expect someone who came of age under the influence of Britney Spears to make intelligent song choices from the vast array of Pop music? Most of these kids were born with only 2 living Beatles. Yet they're given back-up singers (who over-power them), a band (that indulges them), and a panel of 3 industry experts (plus an Ellen) to ping-pong them around.
Last season was lightning in a bottle. A wide variety of music--all delivered by genuinely good singers. I think they tried to hard to capture that again. That explains Siobhan. Katie is still a head-scratcher...

Idol Time...Top of the List

First, mad props to my friend Allison who compared Tim Urban's performance to Barry Manilow, thus bringing me to christen him "Timanilow." Patent pending. Just saying.
So, nothing like a nice, specific genre for the contestants to choose from: Top Songs. I guess it's a chance for us to see what kind of music the contestants gravitate toward--what kind of artist they want to be. If that's the case, then their future is just a bit too bland to be truly frightening. But when it's the night of the vote that will determine whether or not you'll be part of the summer tour, there's just no reason to sing "I Heard It Through the Grapevine."
Open note to Andrew (like he'll read it, but hey...) "Straight Up" was brilliant because it had a cool Latin vibe to it. That's what we loved and, to some extent, your back story plays into that vibe. Where'd it go? And, more importantly, why aren't the judges bringing up that very specific point? Making me crazy, crazy, crazy. It's like he's constantly borrowing somebody else's song.
This week might make it tough to choose who's gonna go--so many truly awful performances (Paige, Timanilow, Didi, Andrew)--but leave your vote anyway! Unfortunately, I think Timanilow is on his way out, and just when I got the perfect nickname, too. So, I have to take advantage and use it as often as possible.
Timanilow, Timanilow, Timanilow
My pick for bottom three: Paige, Andrew, Timanilow. Who's going home? Timanilow.
And, if you're a facebook friend, stop by my page for a song-by-song commentary!

Idol On...2010

Apparently nothing can bring me out of blog darkness like American Idol. And, no, I didn't post during the auditions, during Hollywood week, or even the semi-finals, because during those early weeks, getting attached to a contestant is kind of like making eye contact with a puppy in a pet store. Much as you might want to take that puppy home, chances are it'll never be a part of your life, because face it--you're just there to buy cat food. So, it's best to hold your head high and just keep a-walkin'. But now that we're down to the 12, it's on. This is the first season with Ellen and the last season with Simon, and so far it's been a bit of a snooze. Here's hoping a narrow focus and some pretty good singers will make it a season worth watching! And worth voting.

So...Rolling Stones week? Relatively harmless. I thought Siobhan was over-praised (in pre-Adam Lambert days, she would have been raked over the coals for being "too dramatic,") and I thought Lee was really under-praised. In fact, I've been voting for him for an hour, and have yet to get a busy signal. Not a good sign...

Anyway, here's what I'm doing this season. I'm going to keep a running poll on my blog here, and I'm inviting visitors to vote for who you think will be going home week by week. Not necessarily who you want to go home (Lacey...), but who you predict will get the least number of votes (Andrew...). Every week that my blog voters get it right, I'm adding a book to a ginormous Idle-Time Summer Reading Basket. I'll reveal and review the week's book after the results show. Just think, that could mean a prize of 12 books total going to one lucky winner. I'll draw a name from the comments. So...join in!

By the way--my pick for bottom 3: Andrew, Lacey, and Paige. My pick to go home...Andrew.

Idol Chatter...Double Treble

You know how sometimes you're driving down the highway, and you see a wreck coming up on the side of the road, and you know you're coming up on it, and you don't want to look, but somehow you can't help yourself--even though you know it might be awful? Like, you want to turn back, but you're caught up in the traffic, and there's just no going back? That's how I feel every year when we're down to the final two contestants on Idol, and it's time to sing the Idol Anthem.
So, I went into this year with a true spirit of hope, thinking, for Pete's sake--the songwriter is one of the judges! She has a vested interest! How awful could it be? And then, no turning back. It's 7:45, and we're howling about mountains and bowndrays.
Sigh.
No need dwelling on the first two songs--they were perfectly awesome. I thought they were a little tough on Kris for his second number, but yadda, yadda--haven't they been all season? They're still reeling from the shock of his presence on stage tonight. I'm a little suprised Paula didn't accidentally stick with the script and call him Danny. And Adam was as consistently good as he has been all season. That's what you can say about both these guys. You can count on a great performance, originality, arrangement...
And then...Kara's song. So, I guess this one is hands-off for arrangement? Because it seemed to me they both had identical orchestration and--to Kris's detriment--an identical key. It's like it was written for Adam's acrobatic vocals. Look close, and you can actually see Kris rising to his toes trying to hit the notes. Ah, the final conspiracy of the season.
So, my final prediction? I've got to go with my human behavior instinct here and think, yeah, Adam has had momentum all season, but I can't see all those people who voted for Danny switching their votes to Adam. Therefore, I'm predicting Kris.

Three's A Crowd...

Eeeeeek!! Just realized we're just a few hours away from results show, and I didn't get a recap blogged. Blame it on the combined factors of a looming deadline, coupled with being out-of-town (visiting my lovely parents!!) where internet is just a bit wonky.

Anyhoo, last night's show was awesome!!! My Danny-gag-reflex was subdued, though I would have put money on him choking out a few tears at the end of "You Are So Beautiful." And, you know, Adam didn't do a lot for me in either song. He was fantastic, of course, but he's always fantastic, no?

But Kris! My goodness, he was just in a whole different league! I had the great pleasure of watching this episode at my sister's house, where the Danny/Adam split was pretty obvious. We each had a few choice words to say about the other's fave, but our common ground was Kris. Which makes me worry a little bit. It's my hope that the Dannyites voted for Danny and the Adamites voted for Adam, and EVERYBODY ELSE voted for Kris.

So, to post my prediction, hmmm....this is really tough, because it's hard to separate what I want to happen from the inevitable. But, you know what? I'm going out on a long, skinny, tremulous limb here. Ready? I think Adam...is...going...home. There!! I typed it!! And I'm ready to be wrong, whether it's in rejoicing that America finally got a collective brain and got rid of Gokey, or in mourning that America was the willing pawn in the producer's evil scheme. Hm. I guess that's my middle ground.

OK!! We'll find out in a few hours!! I'll call you, Roi!